4-month Endo Visit

I see my Endo about once every 4 months (she’s usually booked so far out that I can’t get in by 3 months, so 4 it is)  Anyways, let me start by saying I love my endo.  She is awesome.  Not only do we have a good doctor/patient relationship, but I know her on a professional level.  Probably a lot longer than I have known her as my physician…  I work for a hospital and she and her staff are in a nearly daily contact with my department.  Not only that, they request that me, and only me, handle their patients.  So, yeah, she knows who I am and what I do and that apparently, I am good at it.  So, long story short, I really respect this woman and her abilities as a physician.

I have been seeing her as a patient for nearly a year now (I have seen her as a patient nearly a decade ago while hospitalized, but never in her clinical office).  Anyways, I go in for my routine visit.  Office staff, also knowing who I am and what I do, not only for her, but other physicians in the practice, are always stopping to talk shop with me.  I really do feel comfortable in this setting.  Routine weigh in, medication check, BP check…glucose check skipped b/c her normal nurse isn’t there.  Fine by me.  I wear a Dexcom, I know where I stand…as does my doctor.

At any rate, my doctor walks in and thanks me for helping me with her patients, as she always does.   Then it comes to me and my health.  MY A1C is in “target” range, as it has been for the last 4 A1C checks.  The last one was the exact same as this one, and the 2 before that were 0.4 lower than those.  Well apparently this is still too low for her comfort and she is not really happy with it.  I am accepting of her input and expertise, but I know that it really is a little low for me.  I do rather it be a little low than a little high, but I think the immediate access to glucose date with Dexcom is hurting me just as much as it is helping me.  I see that I am elevating at fast rate, and I can’t help but want to correct that.  I don’t really have a whole lot of lows, but I guess even with all the highs I see on my Dexcom as well as my glucose meter, there are just as many lower readings if not more that more than level out the result of my A1C.  I can not sit here and complain.  I know most PWDs would trade places with my numbers in a heartbeat, but I am honestly struggling.  Strike number 1.

Strike number 2…I am over-correcting,,,see Strike number 1.

Strike number 3…I have gained 8 pounds in the last 4 months…No, that extreme.  Am I obese?  No.  Am i overweight?  Yes.  Am I struggling with this?  EVERY day.  I have been going to the gym 4+ days a week for weeks now.  I have been watching EVERY thing that I eat?  YES.  Has any of it helped?  NOPE.  Am i at the end of my rapidly fraying rope?  Getting there.  Do I keep on trying?  Yes, because is there really a choice here?  Yes, because the alternate to me right now is diabulemia relapse.

Strike Number 4 – I am requested to see an Ophthalmologist. Not that there is anything wrong, but having T1D for going on 2 decades, she is right. This is just not what I wanted to hear at the end of this visit. I completely get it, it just feels like one more thing that I have to add to my checklist of things that have to be done at some sort of routine interval. It’s par for the course and mostly a preventative measure. This is what nearly sent me onto diabetes overload this afternoon.

One day at a time,

One. Day. At. A. Time.

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